Emotionally Spent

I knew it was going to be hard leaving Evan behind after we walked him into his classroom this morning.  But I honestly didn't expect it be this hard.  I've had a knot in my stomach from the minute I woke up this morning until now and I don't think it's going away any time soon.

As soon as we walked into Evan's bright purple classroom he immediately began playing with all the "new" toys placed around the room.  With a huge frog in my throat, I immediately approached the teacher to find out the earliest time I could pick him up without disturbing their set program.  Robert and I stood and watched Evan for awhile until it became obvious that we couldn't stand there forever.  Evan gave us each a kiss goodbye and we headed out the door in the midst of his playtime hoping he would be distracted enough not to notice.  We managed to get out the door, but the small square window gave us away as we turned to get one last glimpse.  Evan broke down in tears, Robert rushed back in and I stood frozen fighting back a surge of emotions.

Evan's teacher consoled him while also assuring Robert everything would be fine.  I waved Robert out of the room and we made our way back to the car.  As soon as I sat down in the seat I completely fell apart.  I couldn't stop crying.  It was a flood of emotions that had been dammed up since first thing this morning.  I literally cried all the way home.

It's been two hours since we dropped Evan off and I feel like he's been gone all day already.  This emotional roller coaster has left me feeling so exhausted and completely silly at the same time.  I realize Evan is in good hands and will have loads of fun with his new friends - but this is simply about me missing my baby boy - the baby boy who has been at home with me for the past 25 months.  This is gonna take a whole lot to get used to.