Saturday, August 14, 2010

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Fourteen has always been my "lucky" number.  Not only is it the day of my birth, but it graced the back of all my sports jerseys growing up, it's the first number I play in the lottery and it's the one number I know I will always remember.  But unfortunately, it's now remembered for all the wrong reasons.

July 14th, 2009 - I welled up as usual as I said goodbye to Jonathan.  He was heading back to Charlotte after spending a week in Ponce Inlet for Evan's first birthday.  I told him to please drive carefully and that I loved him and would see him soon.

August 14th, 2009 - I can still hear the desperate, muffled sound of my dad's voice on the other end of the line.  The feeling of panic came over me because my first thought was something had happened to my mom.  When my dad finally spoke all I heard was "Jonathan is dead" before everything seemed to go silent - I just hung up the phone and collapsed to the floor.  Shock and disbelief immediately set in - since then every stage imaginable has followed.

It has been one year since my brother's death.  And a hard year at that.  But I've come to terms with a lot and have learned a great deal about myself in the process.  I will always be haunted by the circumstances of Jonathan's death, but I believe in my heart I will eventually, one day, be able to smile every time I think about him.  And maybe the number fourteen will once again be a positive force in my life.

Jonathan, because we did not receive your will in time, this song was never played at your funeral as you requested - so I hope you're listening and singing along.  I miss you terribly.


Score said...

Now I'm tearing up. I'll always miss him too, but I always smile when I think about all the fun times with him. I love you!

Kylie said...

That song (and video) reminds me of the sweet story that my grandma loves to tell about Jonathan when he was singing in church and his voice cracked and how upset he got.

Sarah said...

Didn't know the story about "14". You were stronger than I could've ever imagined you would be.

Anonymous said...

The Lord made one pure and beautiful creature in Jonathan.
He was (and still is) a great
big bro' to all of y'all...
Know he is smiling down on you!
Love you!
Michele & Jay
xxx ooo