We Love You

I received heartbreaking news last night and I'm still struggling to accept it.  Two of our dearest friends lost their son after being born at roughly 23 weeks.  The parents were able to hold their child and love him for a couple of hours before he quietly passed away.  They named him Miles Daniel.

I can't seem to stop crying.  I am flooded with emotions that resonate with being both a mother and a friend.  I knew how much they wanted to be parents and I desperately wanted that for them.  I was overjoyed when I found out they were expecting and often envisioned their new family of three.  I could see Daddy wrestling around with his l'il man while Mommy played blocker to the rambunctious pets.  I also saw Mommy cheerfully singing songs and reading books disguising her voice for all the different characters. No matter what I imagined though it always made me smile because I knew how happy this new family would be.

From a maternal stand point is where this news hit me the hardest.  A mother unquestionably loves her baby first.  From conception to birth a mother cares for her child.  She considers the safety of her child every time she sits down to eat or each activity in which she refuses to participate. Having the ability to carry your child and feel his first movements is an indescribable experience that only a mother knows.  A mother and child form a loving bond well before the child ever enters the world.  So again, when I received the devastating news I thought of my friend as a mother.  I imagined her delivering her preterm baby praying over and over again that he would be ok.  I saw her holding her baby boy, experiencing the joy for the little time she had, and then having it all taken away in an instant.  No mother should have to experience that.  So I cry for her.  I cry for her because I love her and I do not want her to feel this pain.   I cry for her because I know she is blaming herself when there is nothing she could've done to change the outcome.  And I cry for her simply because it's not fair. 

Know that we love you both very much and are here for you.