A Merry Christmas Indeed

These faces say it all...

Christmas this year was as exciting as always - but Evan was especially excited.  He was Santa's number one fan and told our elf, Jaime, how good he was on a daily basis.
Mattie found herself on the naughty list quite a bit, but she behaved when she knew it really counted.

11 Months

 

We are one month away from Mattie Girl's first birthday.  Just typing that seems so surreal.  These past 11 months have flown by and I am at a complete loss for where the time went.

As Mattie's personality continues to develop and emerge, I am convinced more and more that she is her mother's daughter.  And by that, I mean we have a little tomboy on our hands - rough, tough and active.  Not even a year old and she already makes her brother cry.

In other news, MJ finally has her two front teeth.  They are large and in charge and make me laugh every time she smiles.  She chows down on all table food now and eats bigger portions than Evan.  When we go out to eat we order the kid's meal for her and have Evan eat off our plates - the girl has a massive appetite.

She is taking steps now, but not in full stride quite yet.  Her confidence is building everyday though and she challenges herself well.  I predict we'll be chasing her around this time next month.

To our Mattie Girl - You have brought such happiness to our life and we are so excited to see the AWESOME little girl that you are too quickly becoming.  We love you to pieces. 

We Love You

I received heartbreaking news last night and I'm still struggling to accept it.  Two of our dearest friends lost their son after being born at roughly 23 weeks.  The parents were able to hold their child and love him for a couple of hours before he quietly passed away.  They named him Miles Daniel.

I can't seem to stop crying.  I am flooded with emotions that resonate with being both a mother and a friend.  I knew how much they wanted to be parents and I desperately wanted that for them.  I was overjoyed when I found out they were expecting and often envisioned their new family of three.  I could see Daddy wrestling around with his l'il man while Mommy played blocker to the rambunctious pets.  I also saw Mommy cheerfully singing songs and reading books disguising her voice for all the different characters. No matter what I imagined though it always made me smile because I knew how happy this new family would be.

From a maternal stand point is where this news hit me the hardest.  A mother unquestionably loves her baby first.  From conception to birth a mother cares for her child.  She considers the safety of her child every time she sits down to eat or each activity in which she refuses to participate. Having the ability to carry your child and feel his first movements is an indescribable experience that only a mother knows.  A mother and child form a loving bond well before the child ever enters the world.  So again, when I received the devastating news I thought of my friend as a mother.  I imagined her delivering her preterm baby praying over and over again that he would be ok.  I saw her holding her baby boy, experiencing the joy for the little time she had, and then having it all taken away in an instant.  No mother should have to experience that.  So I cry for her.  I cry for her because I love her and I do not want her to feel this pain.   I cry for her because I know she is blaming herself when there is nothing she could've done to change the outcome.  And I cry for her simply because it's not fair. 

Know that we love you both very much and are here for you.

Missing You Today...and Everyday

Facebook sent my phone a reminder that your birthday is today.  Like I would forget.  In fact, I've been dreading this day for over a month now.  At some point today I should be calling you to sarcastically wish you a "happy birthday" since I know you've only thought of your birthday as getting older and less attractive - I believe botox was always on your wish list.  Yeah, that's right, I just let the cat out of the bag.  What are you gonna do about it? 

Birthdays - nothing to celebrate, right?  Wrong.  Now I know why birthdays should be celebrated.  Not because it's the day of our birth or that we're a year wiser, but simply because we've lived another year.  The growing patches of gray hair and the wicked laugh lines that you so despised aren't signs of vanity at all, but rather proof of each passing year...ones that should be relished and appreciated.  Life is short.  You have proven that. 

Jonathan, I miss you terribly.  I miss you so much it's frustrating.  Missing you is so IN MY FACE all the time that I struggle to believe that I'll ever be able to think of you and not be sad.  Maybe I'm not supposed to, I don't know...but it sure would make things easier.  I want the feeling of absence to disappear.  I want my overwhelming anxiety to ease up.  I want death and dying to stop invading my dreams.  All of these annoyances have lessened since your passing, I must admit, but when can I go on living free and clear of them?

Just so you know - American Idol sucks this season.  You're not missing anything there.  And this year there is no wildebeest in my pregnant future so you're not missing out on ridiculing me either.  But what you are missing is far more precious - a nephew bursting with personality - and a niece sweeter than you can imagine.  And all of that excitement is about to multiply by two in just a few short months.  It's not fair that you won't be a part of their lives.  But don't worry, they will know you through stories and memories that the entire family will be sure to share.

Happy 35th birthday to you, even if you're no longer in the living years.  I celebrate your memory since that's all I have - and I thank God I at least have that.  I love you.

Are You Listening?

So, Lottery, I guess what you're trying to tell me is that you don't think I'm quite ready yet. You must see the potential however because the $5 I won will at least give me my money back.

What I'm taking away from this is that I should keep trying - don't lose focus. Or better yet, in the words of my Grandpa Frank, "Put your eye upon the donut and not upon the hole."

One day, Amanda...one day.

Dear Lottery,

I'm just giving you a heads up for tonight's drawing. I bought five quick picks today and I would really appreciate it if one of those picks was chosen to be the winner.

You have my word that I will be generous with my winnings and will not self-destruct like many past winners have. I won't become an alcoholic. I won't start hating my husband and demand a divorce. I won't even spend frivolously until the point of bankruptcy. I will simply make life easier for my family and loved ones. What's the harm in that?

I think I'm an excellent candidate - perfect for the job. I hope you take my request into consideration. If you don't, well, life will go on. But just for shits and giggles...

Most Sincerely,
Amanda

Dear Similac,

The 6 1/2 months I have known you could only be described as turbulent, yet liberating. Our first encounter was not a planned meeting, but I was curious to see what you had to offer. Your proposal was ridiculously costly, but your guarantee to "calm colicky babies" was all I needed for a quick sale. Amanda meet Alimentum; Alimentum meet Amanda. I wasn't very happy with you at the beginning because your calming technique wasn't as successful as I had hoped for, but an improvement nonetheless. And hey, who honestly LOVES to breastfeed? So your substitution was a great excuse to pack away the nursing bras.

I was advised by my doctor to use Alimentum sparingly. He felt the weaning process to "Regular" would be easier if we didn't allow Alimentum to stay too long and get comfortable. He was right, as usual. The weaning process was a breeze and "Regular" took over nicely. He has been a great companion for the last five months and our contract isn't up for another two weeks...but guess what people? Sue me, hang me, whatever you want...we're not paying for this companionship any longer. We think we're now well equipped to move on without your assistance. I have an old friend that I'm introducing that has an impeccable work history and doesn't expect much in return. (Evan meet Vitamin D Milk; Vitamin D Milk meet Evan).

Similac, I'm sure we'll be doing business again. Let "Regular" know we hope to stick with him the whole time the next go 'round.

Always,
The Stinnetts