High Hopes for 2010

So remember all my whining about sitting home alone on New Year's Eve and my only hope was to be kissing the spoon that would be dumping ice cream into my mouth?  Shame on me for being so negative and casting so much doubt on what positive things are in store for 2010.

Just as planned, I was in bed watching the countdown in Time Square with Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper.  (Because of them, by the way, my spirits were high - seriously.)  Kathy Griffin had me laughing so hard with her inappropriate, crass comments and Anderson Cooper did his best to deflect the crude commentary and keep his job with the network.  It was fantastic.

I already polished off a bowl of ice cream and was contemplating my next sweet treat as the final minutes of 2009 were ticking away.  My phone was continuously beeping with texts from friends and loved ones wishing a happy new year.  The screaming crowds on tv were dancing and laughing.  And to be honest, all the excitement made me a bit sad.

Welcoming a new year means leaving one behind.  I wasn't sure if I could leave 2009 behind. This uncertainty brought on an overwhelming feeling of fear and abandonment. I felt like by accepting a new year I would somehow be accepting Jonathan's death - and in doing so, abandoning him in the process. I realize how silly it may sound, but it was the feeling I had.  But I began to reason with myself.  I asked myself, "What would Jonathan want you to do?  If he were here right now, what would he say to you?"  And I knew.  I knew I was being ridiculous to think I was abandoning anyone - especially him.  Because EVERY new year was Jonathan's year.  It was gonna be the year he would get back in shape - start going to church again - send out thank you notes - build his savings.  It was a year of positivity and hope.  And why should this year be any different? 

My tears began to dry up and my attitude began to change with just 55 seconds left in the countdown.  As I sat up in bed to witness these final seconds I heard the front door open.  NO WAY!   To my surprise Robert came scrambling up the steps with two mini bottles of champagne in hand.  He dashed to the kitchen to pop open the bottles and with three seconds to spare...3...2...1...I got my sip of champagne and my kiss at midnight.

I think 2010 is our year!